Presented in order (sort of) of time served (give or take)....
To the Support Team, I HEREBY bequeath my client support; though at risk of being accused of already having passed it on.
To Joe, I HEREBY bequeath my love of vegetables. You need to eat more, son.
To Kendall, I HEREBY bequeath my business cards back to you. Time for a redesign? I have some good ideas. I'm open for consultation for other design ideas. I know you've cherished them thus far.
To Devan, I HEREBY bequeath all sporting competitions. You shall take the torch of company fitness and insist that everyone join in. You shall structure the competition in such a way that you can win, or change the competitions to favor you as necessary. I also bequeath to you my cause for a company shower.
To Zach, I HEREBY bequeath the unique responsibility of forcing those who travel with you to listen to a random playlist of songs. You and possibly Barry were the only ones to at least act like you enjoyed mine. I also bequeath to you THE PROGRAM. Luke needs it completed as soon as possible (perhaps before Kennedy starts in Sept.) Lastly, I bequeath my travel case for training material. It also conveniently holds several power strips.
To Jared, I HEREBY bequeath my Canadian memorabilia which consists of a maple leaf hat, and a hockey stick. I may have some loonies laying around, eh. I also bequeath any fashion sense I have gathered along the way. A button-up shirt and pants seem easy to pull together, but you seem to struggle like me to put it together.
To Renee, I HEREBY bequeath all my interactions with Martin to you. You'll know what to do. I also bequeath my responsibilities for office morale. You must take your energy with Tammy and spread it around now.
To Martin, I HEREBY bequeath my optimism. I had plenty but just a drop in the ocean compared to yours. I'm sure you'll put it to good use. I also bequeath to you all non-business interactions with Tammy and Renee. They deserve pick-me-ups throughout the day, and you're the person to give it.
To Ivan, I HEREBY bequeath my Spanish. Hablo un pequeno espanol y usted debe tener.
To Harlan, I HEREBY bequeath all my personality studies to you. Spending inordinate amounts of time to understand how people tick and then typecasting everyone else in front of them shall now be your responsibility. I also bequeath all mountain bike responsibilities to you. Though I may be involved, you shall gather the interests of the office for participation.
To Tammy, I HEREBY bequeath my pencil holder. This is no ordinary pencil holder. It's a 3000' core sample from the Yates formation on the TX/NM border. You deserve gifts from those for whom you book travel. This is about unique as my former territory can offer.
To Justin, I HEREBY bequeath my CRM skills. With yours and mine combined, you shall be in position to show everyone how it's done. I also bequeath to you my intermittent beard growing skills. May you use it wisely and discreetly. I also bequeath to you the responsibility of being the vocal contrarian. I held this torch from the get go, and feel I can only depend on you to maintain. I also bequeath to you the responsibility of providing practicality to balance Barry's out-of-the-box thinking. With my practicality and his abstractness, we could fix the world. We did it together and now it shall be your sole responsibility to provide my half of the equation.
To Gavin, I HEREBY bequeath what little sanity I have left. With an office neighbor with growing responsibilities and boldness , the unrest of another Senior Consultant who shall remain unnamed, and a new batch of sales pukes coming up, you'll need all you can get.
Speaking of Barry...(Everyone see what I did there?)
To Barry, I HEREBY bequeath all mentoring responsibilities to you. Through my bluntness, I may have already passed it to you, nonetheless, may you ever be a source of knowledge for those coming up behind us. I also bequeath to you my 2 drink minimum at GPA. May you put them to good use. I also bequeath to you my speakerphone. I don't think everyone in the office can hear your conversations so maybe an additional speaker will help.
To Whoever takes my office, I HEREBY bequeath you the responsibility of collecting Barry'isms. If unsure as to what these are, refer to Luke.
To Luke......what can I bequeath that you don't already have? You had international experience, you have Houston, you have Jerry's ear, you have an office on management row, and you have a PE. Nonetheless, I HEREBY bequeath what little leadership skills I had. You will now be solely responsible for ensuring programs and policies are in place to mold and shape newbies. As such, I bequeath the Sales Phone Call Contest file. Also, see Zach about THE PROGRAM. In similar fashion, I also bequeath you my likability; being viewed as management, you'll probably need as much as you can come by. I also bequeath to you my KEURIG. I cussed you enough for using it while I'm on the phone, so you might as well take it.
Fellow BR&E warriors, it's been a fantastic 10 years. I came here looking for a change and a challenge. I was not left wanting. I have made what I hope to maintain a core of lifetime friends. Without the brotherhood, the past decade would have been treacherous. I will always look fondly the stories we have collected. Luke and Barry, I couldn't have made it this far without you. We have had some crazy adventures and I look forward to growing old with you both in the greater B/CS. Thank you for the fantastic brotherhood.
Barry, you have been like a brother to me. We share so much in common, have had our disagreements, and yet come out with a mutual respect. You've been such a great mentor and best friend. Your unassuming approach with others is a trait I've always admired and enjoyed. I'm anxious for the new role you are soon to play. It'll be your chance to really excel.
Luke, it seemed we almost immediately became the best of friends. I honestly contribute much of my success to our friendship. You have an insane ability to soak up and retain information. And despite the sometimes annoying unsolicited advice, your unselfish willingness to share you knowledge and experience speak to your true character. You have my admiration. I'm happy for your growing responsibilities and know you'll kick butt at it. These newbies are lucky to have you there.
Finally I say, SEACREST OUT!!!!!
